Part I:
I believe there are many rituals of transition that are seemingly important in the United States. A few that come to mind include Christian religious ceremonies such as a baptism, a first communion, or a confirmation. Graduations come to mind – from Pre-School Graduation to High School Graduation, there seem to be many transitional opportunities. Other childhood to adulthood rituals come to mind; learning to ride a two-wheeled bike, being able to stay home alone, going through puberty, learning to drive and getting a driver’s license, turning 18 (becoming “legal”), turning 21, moving in to your first place on your own, and supporting yourself after college or getting a “real” job.
Part II:
A ritual that comes to mind for me personally is something that I didn’t identify as a ritual until this unit. All of the kids in our family were thrown in to the pool or the lake. It was always done with adults right there to be able to assist if necessary. But, within our family structure, it was very much a ritual. It was (literally) a “sink or swim” moment. I was pretty angry at the time that my dad had thrown me in to the pool. I was not so much scared as just angry. However, fast forward twenty years later and my kids were also thrown in the pool – my son seemed to be ok with it, my daughter was a bit scared and then angry as well. And then, just last week my daughter threw her daughter in to the pool. My granddaughter is pretty scared of swimming so she was not pleased. We will have to wait until the next generation is of age to see if she continues the ritual or not. In preparing my thoughts for this assignment, I asked a number of people around me if they were ever thrown in and all but a few of them also had the same experience.
Some other rituals that come to mind include religious rituals that I was forced to participate in. I was baptized as an infant. I did not have a choice in the matter. I am not angry about it, it was something that was important to my parents and my grandparents. I was forced to attend church and Sunday school throughout my childhood years. The religious rituals continued until I was confirmed during high school. I was not happy about being forced to be a part of that. My personal beliefs were very skeptical at the time and I felt that my skepticism was not addressed or taken seriously. I did not force my children in to the same situations. They were told my religious background, without any editorial comments by me until I was asked. When they wanted to go to church, I took them. I do not agree with having been forced, I did not agree with it then and I don’t agree with it as an adult.
One last right of passage ritual I wanted to write about is childbirth. I have kids through marriage not because I physically gave birth to them. As it turns out, I was unable to birth children. I have felt so much judgement about that. I have been made to feel “less of a woman” because I was not a “real” mother. Of course, the definitions of what a “real” mother is are socially and culturally constructed. Some of my judgers react a bit differently to me (with less judgement) when they find out I was not able to birth children as a result of an illness versus a personal choice. That makes me even more irritated – what if it was a personal choice not to birth a child? Why should I be deemed less of a woman because of that choice?
Part III:
I feel I have a bit of a unique perspective about liminality belonging to the college student experience. I have been attending college off and on for thirty years. The fact that I have still kept after obtaining my degree because of a feeling of having left something unfinished – speaks to the transitional state during the liminal period. When I first attended college post high school, I was told of the parties I would attend and the drinking I would do. There was an expectation that I would do those things. I never was much of a partier. As for the expected behaviors based on gender constructs – at that time it was expected that the males would be more “players” and the females would be more “pure”. I always found that interesting because who were the males “playing” with if the females weren’t? I am speaking to attitudes from thirty years ago. I can’t really speak to what is currently happening. I live in a household that is well established and I am now the parent and grandparent.
Jennifer,
I also did not consider being thrown into the water to be a ritual until after reading your post. This was not something my family did personally, but I do know of a lot of people who have had similar experiences growing up. This did, however, spark a memory of a ritual I did not write about, which is learning how to ride a bike. In the same way that being thrown into the water was a sink or swim situation, learning how to ride a bike was either catch on quick or crash. I can still remember how excited I was when my dad finally let go, and I kept riding all on my own down the sidewalk. It was exhilarating!
Religion was mandatory in my childhood as well. I did not care to be baptized, but ultimately went along with it because it meant a lot to my mother and grandmother. We attended church every Sunday morning, and I would go to youth groups and summer camps. I made really good friends through religion, but religion itself was never something I fully believed in. Now, as an adult, I am not religious, but do not mind if other people are. I think it is important for that person to want to be religious instead of being forced–absolutely.
Hi Jennifer,
I can totally relate with the religion part as my parents do not force me on any religion rituals. They respect my decisions and let me decide on my own personal beliefs which I am very grateful for. I believe that religion should never be forced upon others. It is important to continue respecting the choices that others make as long as it does not harm anyone else.
Also, I am not married yet, but I have heard a lot of stories about people being judgemental towards couple with no children especially to the women. Sometimes when a couple have their firstborn, people will then ask them about having another baby and it will never stop. I personally think that the society should never make a woman feel as “less of a woman” just because she does not have everything like the majority would have. Different people will have different rite of passages and that is totally fine.
Your ritual of being thrown into the water actually made me smile. I had never thought about family-based rituals that were not a big deal at the time. One that you reminded me of is that we used to take a family vacation to the upper peninsula. Every night, all the cousins would walk to the ‘candy store’ to pick out a treat. When we would reach a certain age, we would become a ‘candy store leader’ to watch the younger cousins. I love that you were able to watch generations and generations continue the water ritual. Unfortunately, my family doesn’t vacation all together anymore, so I won’t have that option.
I, too, was raised in church. However, every ritual I went through was my choice. At the age of 13, I was baptized to show that I, personally, had dedicated my life to Jesus. I love that you give your children that choice.
I am sorry that you have felt judged and looked down upon for not going through childbirth. You are as much a mom as anyone else.
Hi Jennifer,
I really like the story about throwing people into the pool or lake. Of course there are rituals like weddings and Christian religious ceremonies. These rituals is followed the tradition and social rules. I like your ritual, it is more like a family tradition. I agree with your opinion about religion part. I think it is an individual’s right to join or not join any kind of legitimate religion.
About childbirth, I understand the desire to reproduction has been deeply influenced by the society and history since the ardent pursuit of human longevity. But now there are seven billion people on this planet. Making your decision not to have your own children and humans will not be extinct. From another perspective, people always endow this maternal aperture because their physical properties. This point of view are solidified the image of modern women, as a baby machine after they are married.
I really enjoyed reading through your posts! You have shared some really interesting personal rituals. Your first ritual about children in your family being thrown into the pool is really interesting. I had never heard of anyone else’s parents doing that to them until your post! I had assumed this was something my parents did to me because they thought it would be funny. I think it’s even more interesting that your family has decided to keep up the tradition and your daughter even did it to her own kids! I remember being so angry about it happening to me, but that was the moment I started trusting my swimming ability and began venturing into the pool a little deeper. Before I was thrown in, I remember thinking that I would drown if my feet ever left the bottom and my parents throwing me in is what helped me realize that I actually had the ability to keep afloat! Interestingly enough, I decided not to do that to my own children (well, not yet at least), because I remember being so terrified.
I think baptism is a really important ritual in the U.S., since Catholicism is such a huge religion for a majority of our population. This has been something that is almost always done for children when they are too young to decide which religion they want to practice for themselves. I think it is for peace of mind and for hope that the child will continue practicing the same religion as the parents later on in life, but it is interesting that we decide to do it before they have the opportunity to have a say.
Lastly, I’m really sorry to hear about your illness. As a parent myself, I have become to exposed to just how much judgement other people have towards other people who are or decide not to be parents. I have never understood why people care so much about other people’s decisions on whether or not to have children, when the decision does not directly affect them. One of my really good friends has decided not to have children and the choice is personal. She genuinely does not want to be a parent. I cannot count how many times other friends who are parents themselves have tried to convince her that she’ll change her mind or that she’ll regret it. People almost associate being a mother with being a woman. People assume that she hasn’t quite ‘come to that point in her life when she’ll want to be a mother’, almost insinuating that she has not fully become a woman for deciding she does not want to have a child.