My Family’s Rites of Passage

I know it’s corny to say, but the U.S. is a melting pot of cultures, rituals of transitions may different depending on race and ethnicity. Rituals help cultures make women and men. Going through certain ceremonies or phrase, determine if you have matured yet. For boys, depending on who you asked, most of the rites of passages are pressured by society. In order to be seen as a ‘man,’ you must be able to hunt and kill. Boys are always told you must not cry it’s a sissy thing to do. For some reason, it seems like boys are only seen as man if they are dicks. This range from being overly aggressive; being dominant in every discussion or activity; never showing weakness; being highly sexual; and being very athletic. In the old movies, you always hear how the father tells his son, he’s now a man become he got a girl, but when his daughter starts to date it’s chaos. This is when double standards come in, double standards have been the backbone of rituals of transition in U.S life. For girls, most of the rites of passages are related to home and health things. Girls are considered women when they have their periods; get married; lose their virginity; have a baby; learning how to cook and/or clean; or sometimes relates to getting their hair or nails done.

Fortunately, as time progress this stereotypical rite of passages are thrown out the window. Society has realized these gender roles and silly of rite of passages do not fit everyone. Not all women have uteruses. Not all women want to settle down, get married, and have children. Men do have emotions and is normal to cry. It’s okay for men to sit back and listen to someone else’s opinion including women. Growing up the rituals of transition was a mixture of both traditional and modern.

My parents are from the South, so they grew up knowing only the traditional way, but they made sure to apply it to all kids regardless of gender. It was a necessity that me, my sister, AND brother knew how to properly clean and cook. It was a necessity that we all knew how to fix and change a tire on a car. It was a necessity that we all knew basic life educational such as banking, financing, and job hunting. When it came to sports and my sister and I menstrual cycle it was not really seen as a huge deal. My mom did not cry, my dad did not hand five, and my family did not congratulate us. I am appreciative that my family and our culture normalizes things that should be consider normal.

Periods and Jobs

As I mentioned above, my family is super laxed and rituals of transition weren’t really a thing. However, the two memorable rites of passages were getting my period and obtaining my first job. These two events happened at two different times, but they definitely relate to my growth as a person.

So, I was in the sixth grade and I knew it would eventually come because I read The Care and Keeping of You 2: The Body Book for Older Girls. Before I began my story, let me be clear even though I was 12 I was still tired of getting a period. The women in family have the worse experiences with me and they have severely traumatized me on anything that related to a menstrual cycle. Anywho I thought there was a slim chance I was going to be lucky and never get it. This theory came from my cousin who was 17-year-old and never had a period. Once I heard her story, I was like “bet” I might dodge this bullet. December 3^rd, 2010, I remember it so vividly because the whole week I felt so many emotions hit me at once, was the day it happened. The worst part was it was a Friday and exactly a week before my birthday. I was laying down after school and suddenly it felt like I urinated but without control. Once I saw it was red, I automatically cried. I cried for a straight 2 hours before my mom came home. I didn’t cry because I was embarrassed or mad, I cried because I was sad. The women viewed periods as the monthly monster and the way they described it, made me never want to go through it. Back to story, she came home, and I told her. My favorite memory from this story is when she literally threw a pad and new underwear at me, told me it was going to be okay, told me the biological reason behind it, and then told me her first period story. I don’t know, after that moment I just stopped being weird about. I realized most women experienced this and I was lucky because it only lasted 3 days (well mine always did). Looking back at it now, I laugh and tell younger girls about it. I did not realize growing up there are ways you can prevent yourself from getting periods. So now I’m on birth control and I never have to worry about experiencing the things the women in my family went through.

My second rite of passage was getting a job. It sounds so silly but growing up in Detroit having money was huge. It’s not like everyone was poor but being independent was prioritized and bragged about especially in my family. When my parents were young, they got their first job when they were 13, but for me it was different. I prioritized my education first; I did not have the financial problems they did growing up nor did I have any responsibilities. So, I was content with not having a job and having that extra stress. However, when my TWIN sister got her first that’s when the pressure was on me. Everyone would constantly ask me why I don’t have a job. They would always say how I was book smart and my sister was street smart, but we all know how that ends. After a year of being hassled, I was thankful a job just fell into my lap. It was a month before my junior year of high school started and I was volunteering at the Boys and Girls Club. My boss and other leadership noticed I was great with the kids and offered me my first real job. This moment has definitely changed me. Going through this ritual of transition, I was empowered and had found my sources of happiness, money and helping people. Looking back now, I feel awesome that small opportunity led me to several more opportunities including my college education. Even though being pressured felt awful the outcomes weighs it out by a ton.

College Double Standards

Week 2’s lecture Rituals and Rites of Passage summarizes how that rites of passages have three stages: Separation, Liminality, Incorporation, and most importantly that the purpose of rites of passage, is to make girls into women and boys into men. The idea of belonging-liminality-belonging relates to my college experience because it helps me understand what categories I fall into, and that’s none. In the lecture, it mentions that the liminal period allows for flexible roles. That’s the definition of my college life. I’m experiencing different roles when it comes to dating and the activities I enjoy. I believe everyone should experience this period to their fullest. That’s why it scares me when I see young people getting married or dating throughout their college years because that’s really the perfect time to figure out who you are.